Scaling Back

It wasn’t meant to be anywhere near like this. All I did was share with someone I love some tips that had worked for me. Now, before anyone gets the pitchforks and torches. I didn’t mean for her to get hurt like this.

She’s my daughter and I noticed she’d been gaining weight lately. Her waist had been getting bigger than it had before. Much bigger. It wasn’t like I was out to hurt her feelings over it. All I wanted was for her to be her best. To be healthier and look better than how she was. Was that so wrong of me?

Apparently, it was. She started to take my advice more to heart than I thought she was going to. My poor precious Rosemary…things started off small at first. I noticed that she didn’t eat anywhere near as much as she used to. Smaller portion sizes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No more snacking than she had been before. Along with eating things that were much healthier for her. Switching to lower calorie foods that I found tasty as she had. Then she started going to the gym twice a week and doing yoga for an hour each day. Rosie and I even went on walks together after dinner. Saying that it was good for digestion and she needed them to decompress.

I praised this.

Who wouldn’t praise something like this for their child? It’s a healthy thing for her to be doing at her age. Eighteen. Her body needs things like this to keep it from getting too overweight. And to keep her metabolism up! But it was the wrong move, I see that now and see it too late. Well, nearly too late.

Her friends were the first ones to point out the problem. Grace, Amelia, and Paula. All three of them had brought it to my attention. Each of them talking about worrying things they had seen her do. Odd habits that were very alarming. Such as Rosie not eating when they went out. Or eating foods that were way too small for someone her age to be eating. Sometimes even going running immediately afterwards when eating ‘a little too much’. Which I’m not entirely sure what that meant at the time. But in hindsight, I fully understand what they meant by that.

Rosie was counting calories. Anytime that she went over her caloric intake she would punish herself by running. Or ‘fasting’.

That was something that I hadn’t anticipated on her doing. The very thought of Rosemary doing that kind of thing to herself? It just wasn’t something that my sweet little rosebud would ever do. At that time, I took what they said and put it in the back of my mind. When I saw Rosie again, I asked her about it. But she lied to me. Lied to me that she wasn’t starving herself. Or running herself to the ground to lose weight. Despite how she lost the pink in her chubby cheeks.

Her round face was much more angular than it should have been. Eyes were more sunken in as well. For the longest moment, I realized that I hadn’t even really looked at my daughter. And that the night shifts that I took for the past few months have kept me from being able to do so. It hit me right then and there as I stared right at her. Realizing that she was lying to me about how she wasn’t dieting. That she wasn’t starving herself to get as thin as she clearly was. Her formerly tight jogging clothes were now super baggy on her very thin frame as I glanced over her. When I asked her to get on the scale, she froze for a second. Then she asked me,’Why?’

‘If you’re not dieting or starving yourself then you’ll have no problem weighing yourself for me to see.’,I answered. It wasn’t wise. I see that now. But I had to see it at that moment, and she seemed to consider it for a few minutes. Before she hung her head in defeat and followed me to the bathroom. Getting on the scale with her arms wrapped tight around herself. I looked down at the scale and my heart dropped to the floor. She told me that she was one hundred and ten pounds at least two months ago. Now she was eighty-five pounds. Looking up at her, tears flowed down my face as she glared at me. Before I could say a word, she whispered,’…am I good enough now?’

Then she quickly walked out of the bathroom while I gathered myself. I heard her slam her bedroom door as I tried to think. It was…it was one of the things that I regret doing. After this she started running more. Eating way less and now I don’t know what to do. Or where to go. But all I know is that I need to talk to someone about this. Otherwise, I won’t have a daughter anymore.