Episode 4: Pyrite and the Microscope

“A true diamond is not recognized by how it shines in the sun, but by how it withstands the dark when pressed from all sides.”

— Magma Star

In geology, there is pyrite, a mineral known as “fool’s gold.” It sparkles on the outside, but inside it is worthless. My first Canadian phase was exactly that: on the outside, we drove a new Toyota from Japan, lived in a big house with people who drove Mercedes, and on the inside… inside, my family was a hollow geode.

The beginnings were raw. I worked in a shopping mall, hiding behind cages because I was afraid of my imperfect English. The hardest lesson? Cleaning rat cages. I would put on two pairs of gloves, screaming inwardly from fear, and beg my Chinese coworker to do it for me. After three months, I was fired. That firing was my blessing—an erosion that had to strip away that layer to reach the true rock.

I started volunteering, and then in the 1990s, a miracle happened: diamonds were discovered in northern Canada. Suddenly, my microscope became my salvation.

I got a job as a geologist. As I analyzed samples from the north, the decision to give my son a brother grew within me. I didn’t want him to be alone in that cold country. I became a mother for the second time, a working woman who earns and builds.

But while I was building, my husband was destroying. He cheated on me with our landlady, the woman who had welcomed us into her home, and then took my husband behind my back. She held us captive with low rent and by persuading him into expensive loans. I was checkmated. I had a good salary, but a $1,000 car payment and two small children tied my hands.

I was living in chalcopyrite—a colorful, attractive metal that isn’t actually gold. Everyone on the outside thought we were doing great, while every night I entered the apartment knowing about a betrayal I couldn’t change. I was aware of everything, but I stayed silent and worked. I waited for my inner rock to become strong enough to withstand the earthquake that was yet to come.